Its been such a long time since i’ve written anything, so i’m going to do my best to get back on track and share some of the things that has been happening in the last few months.

To be really honest, i’ve been in a really difficult place these last couple of days. I never thought that i would have to help arrange a funeral at this point. Last wednesday evening, little Immanuel, our 6 and a half month old angel at Christana house of hope, passed away. It came as big shock to me. when i received the sms at 00:40am i was busy making sure teenagers were going to bed and not sneaking out on the last night of the winklespruit camp.

what can you say? what can you do when you hear news like this? i always have the questions – why? why him? why now? but then i start to think more about how good God has been in the midts of these situations. There is too much to say write now, i’m still walking through all the emotions. But all i know is somehow, in the end there is light.

all i know emmanueal means God with us, now he is with Jesus, and thats okay. I know God will give us the grace to walk through this.

what an amazing day we just had at farm inn. i feel refreshed and awakened in my passion! i even have energy to face my budget.

 Its amazing to think you can get that close to huge lions! it was quite funny when at one point the guy said – maybe you just want to come stand this side where there is electric fencing!

Here are but a few things we learned from the day – thoughts and qoutes:

 ”great individuals do not equal great teams”

we need to realize that we need each other!

We are all connected.

what are our team’s significant look, what makes us unique in what we do? what are our purehope stripes?

“if you can reach where no one else can, you can feed like no one else can! “

you know those moments when you realize….i’m not 18 anymore…

 i’ve been having days and days of that! Working with a bunch of over energized 18 year olds has tired me out these last couple of weeks. But its been good. We had 2 weeks of training and this week we went for orientation at each of our project locations.

that was intense.  there is such a real need out there. Or should i rather say everywhere. Walking again on the property where the orphans live is such a rude  awaking to what we really need in our lives, and money isnt one of them.

i’ll write again soon about more stories, esp the one about the zimbabian women i met…

yesturday in class with the purehope team we had the always exciting ‘gender’ talk. Are men superior to women? should women be in leadership? in churches? in government? And i have to say honestly these remain sensitve things to talk about and for me, to not make it personal. my heart starts pounding fast and the emotion starts welling up inside me. I find it hard because of the fact that one, i’m a woman and i’m in leadership, in various arena’s of life. Leading the purehope ministry at our church, on a childrens home directors board, on other church leadership team, cohosting a radion show. (i’m not saying these things to blow my own horn, more to prove a point.)  So, when these converstations start and people have certain opinions about women in leadership i’m always confronted with the question – then what the heck am i doing here?

When someone says men are superior, or more valuable than women it feels as if a part of my own value gets taken away. Or when maybe they say women are not suppose to be in leadership, i ask myself the question then what the heck am i doing here? How do i explain what i do and what i feel God has called me to me. If i’m merely in these positions because there weren’t any men up to par, then i still feel like i’m not suppose to be here.

I havent come to a conclusion, but i’ve taken comfort in this…I am God’s child. I am loved. I am called. And all i know is that i’m here for a purpose, not because there wasnt a good enough man out there to do the job, but because of the grace of God that believes that i can actually effect change…

Maybe the mark of a follower of Jesus is not something on the outside. Its not defined by race, gender or culture. It’s not marked by any marking on your body. But maybe a true follower of Jesus is marked by that which is most obvious…Jesus-likeness.  Maybe instead of seeking external signs, we need to see internal transformations…… 

“Doing the kingdom always requires that we bleed for others, and for just this reason, doing the kingdom accomplishes something kingdom-of-the-world actively can never accomplish. It may not immediately adjust people’s behavior, but this is not what it seeks accomplish. Rather, it transforms people’s hearts and therefore transforms society.”The myth of a Christian nation’ by Gregory Boyd (page116) 

“Though all versions of the kingdom of the world try to influence how their subjects think and feel, their power resides in their ability to control behavior. As effective as a raised sword is in producing conformity, it cannot bring about and internal change. A kingdom can stipulate that murder will be punished, for example, but it cannot change a person’s desire to murder…”The myth of a Christian nation’ by Gregory Boyd 

We’ve been conditioned to think a certain way about many things, and about how things work or should operate.  Dependant on where you grew up and who your family is, you’ll normally think a certain way. Society tells us that everything works based on an ‘power over’ system.  Every society and government bases the way it functions on this principle of dominance over.  But Jesus’ way is different. It’s based on this idea of ‘power under’. It’s a way of life that is defined by serving God and serving people. It’s defined by self-sacrificial, calvary-qaulity love. Significantly, it’s a way that asks us to genuinely love our enemies and wish them well. Following the way of Jesus cannot be expressed in any other way than bleeding for others, than desiring good for all.  

What am I known for? 

Which way is more obvious in my life? 

“We are, in short, to love and serve without judgment, without condition, and without any consideration of what is in it for us.”The myth of a Christian nation’ by Gregory Boyd 

“We should seek to free people from sin by serving them, not by trying to lord over them.”The myth of a Christian nation’ by Gregory Boyd 

“To the extent that we pick up the sword, we put down the cross.”The myth of a Christian nation’ by Gregory Boyd  

This is the first part of a series of entries about [the mark of a follower]. These are things I’ve been processing lately, and I’d like to hear your thoughts about this topic…lets journey together…

Credit to ‘The myth of a Christian nation’ by Gregory Boyd

its been a while…

so much to say…

watch this space…

as i’m sitting here writing this, the fate of our nation is being decided in polokwane as the ANC is electing their next president. Now, for those of you who dont know much about south african politics, i’ll give you a quick rundown. in short, who-ever leads (thus is the president) the anc (african national congress) will be our country’s next president. why you might ask? because in the previous election the anc won the national elections with a two-thirds majority [which also means they can unquestioned change the constitution] and the party president will be their automatic presidential candidate – and whichever party wins, their president will be the country president. Now you might ask why is this a bit of a scary thing? well, the strongest candidate that will take over from current anc (and south african) president Thabo Mbeki is Jacob Zuma. Once again, if you followed a bit of what happened in south africa over the past year, he was booted out as deputy president of our country when there was serious corruption charges that came up, as well as a serious rape case (which he was found not guilty of). just note he never denied sleeping with the girl, who is also hiv posetive(which he knew about) and said the famous quote “i took a shower afterwards, i’m fine”.  he is still awaiting court appearances for the corruption charges, but his ‘partner’ has been found guilty on the charges. Other facts about Zuma that is very significant is that he will be the first Zulu president of our country. Nelson Mandela and Thabo Mbeki are both Xhosa’s.

These are very significant moments in our nations history. I’ve realized our next president is being decided by about 300 anc deligates, and not the people. that is scary. we need one strong solid opposition. we need someone worth following.

why do i write about this. partly because its my own processing, but mostly to create awareness of what is happening here, and asking for your prayers. we need some divine intervetion, because this path has been walked before and its not ended so well for that nation…

There’s just something about going deep into the bush, with no cellphone signal, no wi-fi or 3G, just the sounds of nature, people talking and laughing and landrowers.   The closer we got to our final desitnation [www.tandatula.co.za - i highly recommend them] the more at rest my soul felt. its as if my soul could breathe again, no more suffocating noise or images or pollution. I realized that this is how God intented us to live. close to Him, in the natural creation He made. I almost felt like i wanted to move there!

Not only was the views breathtaking, the company amazing, the food deliciously tasteful, but the most beautiful thing was a re-awakening of my spirit to His. Its as if all my senses came alive and i was able to see God in a way i havent seen before, or maybe even lost along the way.

what an amazing 4 days! 

 [more to come]

can you remember the first time that you went to the beach? that you saw the ocean? i can’t! to me, the ocean is just a given, its part of my world. but for the next couple of days, i’m going with some kids that have never seen the ocean before. this will be our first trip to the beach together!So, for the next week, i’ll be swimming, building sandcastles and playing cricket on the beach with a whole bunch of very special kids. please keep us in your prayers!

only ten days left. yes just 10 days. i cannot believe that i’ve been able to make it this far.  but here i am, 30 days clean. one month….i know it sounds like i’m getting off drugs, but dont worry, nothing as dramatic. But what a ride. I dont see myself as the most spiritual person ever, but went on this journey of fasting, hoping to meet God in a special way.

So 30 days ago i started. Cutting out coffee, red meat, sugar, milk, bread, chocolates, chips, fast foods, and a whole lot of other stuff and so far i’ve survived.  i have to share this, so you can understand the significance of this time in my life.  I love coffee….i love steak…and alot of the other foods too, so this was going to be interesting. but the best part has been, i havent really craved any of these, i’ve definately missed coffee…but more for the relationships than the taste. this was a fast of breaking habits. and God, in His wisdom, knew, that the only way i’ll stick to this, was if it was done for him, and he took advantage of that.

I havent gotten the answers to all my questions, havent heard all that i wanted to hear….but without effort, this has drawn me closer to Dad. He has extended so much grace to me and affirmed me in the things he has for me, and has left me wanting to draw even closer. and it hasnt been easy. on the contrary, its been a hard month, and the fast has taken its toll spiritually, but it has once again brought me to a place where i can stand before my father and just be with him and that be enough. because He has become my home. my place of safety. my place of rest. the place where i can be totally vulnerable and be safe and secure.

God has become my home…